They're Cowming To Get You!!!!!!

Well, that does it.

After reading the comments on my last post, I’ve decided to form a new secret society that is free and open to all..

It Is Called……the Club for the Overthrowing of Wild Stinking Rabid Bovines And their Descendants.
Or……

C.O.W.S. ’R’ .B.A.D.

To identify yourself as a member of Cows “R” Bad and thus as a member of the human race you should know the secret handshake…….








And also the secret salute…..



Look closely, it’s a pair of cow horns being flipped the “bird”, plus it clearly demonstrates our opposable thumbs and hence, total superiority over the bovine species.

Also you should know the password to gain entry to Cows “R” Bad meetings
“Moooooooooovealongtheresnothingtoseehere”

Cows “R” Bad meetings are being held wherever you see this sign………




Simply walk in, perform the secret handshake and you will be handed any one of a wide range of non-milk based products to help you maintain the strength to keep fighting the enemy. If you stay at the meeting long enough you might even work up the courage to tip a few cows over on the way home and help sway the balance of power back in our favour!! Just beware of the landmines though, i still have nightmares of the first time one explolded under one of my feet!!


So remember folks, lock up your tractors and keep the kids out of wide open paddocks because there’s cows in them thar hills…….

Cows….Evil or just misunderstood???????

Here's one of the buggers


Ok, there’s been a lot of talk recently by some bloggers http://georgesfunkyworld.blogspot.com/ about cows and their many fine points, but I’m not so sure that we should just take them at face value.

I for one don’t trust ‘em

Lets take their appearance for one thing….. it’s a bloody camouflage pattern people!! Can’t you see?? Oh yeah, that’s right, camouflage ……..

4 stomachs?? What do they need 4 stomachs for? I’ll tell ya what for… eating small children that’s what!!

That whole chewing grass thing? Don’t buy that for a second…….They’re just mulling over the best time to strike.

And lets face it, they’ve got the perfect weapon…..

MILK!!!

You heard me, some day in the not too distant future, they do the old switcheroo and start spewing out Hydrochloric Acid, and finally the lactose intolerant will rule the earth……..well it’s either them or the vegans and I can’t see that happening.

So, to help fend off that fateful day, I’ve done a little research and posted a few links that might help save the human race…….for now



The Official Mad Cow Disease Home Page
http://www.mad-cow.org/

Aha!!! Cows punishment for being cows



Dissecting a cows eye
http://www.exploratorium.edu/learning_studio/cow_eye/coweye.pdf

Get your own back!!! Slice ‘em, dice ‘em, stick them on skewers and call ‘em kebabs….if they can’t see you, they can’t jump on you!!! (Don’t think they won’t)



Send a cow to Africa!!!
http://www.sendacow.org.uk/

That’s right, bubble wrap one & stuff it in a post-pack and if you send it surface mail it’ll be long dead by the time it arrives. Win –Win if you ask me, plus it’s one less of the bastards we have to worry about.

COWS!!!!
Don’t say you weren’t warned…… MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!

He who dies with the most toys wins!!

Toys, toys, toys.

I love ‘em, I want’em, I need ‘em and if I could just justify spending the money there would be no stopping me.

I mean, lets face it, I own 4 trombones for god’s sake. I’ve only got one set of chops, (some would argue even that J) so I can’t play them all at once but still I have 4 of them. Actually I’m trying to get round to selling the 3 I don’t use that often and buying either a new Shires or a Bach 42 so if anyone is interested in some slightly used horns, give us a hoy. Still, thank god I’m not a trumpet player. If anyone can collect gear, it’s those boys.
If you see one walking along and hear a strange jingling noise with each step, it’s not the cash from the 3 gigs they did last nite, it’s the 7 new mouthpieces they bought with it this morning. While I’m at it, do you know the trumpet players handshake? (shaking hand a little too firmly)”Hi, I’m better than you”

Where was I?

TOYS!!

Can you believe I’m trying to justify buying a pda phone?? ‘coz I’m not enough of a wanker already, I’ve gotta have the accessories that prove it. And it’s not to say that I’m not happy with my current setup of my trusty nokia and filofax, but I just have this niggling feeling in the back of my mind that there’s got to be a better way to waste time while still giving the impression that I’m actually doing something important.
Has anyone ever seen anyone actually doing work on a pda?? NO! They’re all playing solitaire and Tetris or trying to rebuild their contacts list after it crashed for the 200th time.

Here’s a scary fact…..

I own 7 different ways to make coffee, not counting instant....

2 plungers 1 big 1 small
3 stovetop espresso peculators on varying sizes
1 bodum ‘coffee bong’
1 krups espresso machine

Why????

Coz I can!!

TOYS!!!!!!

I’ve gotta get a higher paying job……….

The roast with the most

Mary had a little lamb,
You've heard this tale before,
But did you know she passed her plate,
and had a little more?


what wonderful creatures lambs are, everything from woolly jumpers to giving us a way to make jokes about New Zealanders. And they taste just beaut with a bit of rosemary and garlic.

roll on 1pm i can smell it cooking

Cheers

Saturday Nite (do,do,dooo ,do,do ,do,do,do,do,dooo) apologies to barnsey

So, what do normal people do on a saturday nite?????
Sorry, by normal i mean non-musos, or if you like , punters. Now i know what some of you do,
You go out.
Actually i managed to do just that last sat but more on that later....

Anyway, so you dress up and go out and spend a fair bit of your hard-earned going to places that i and most of my colleagues only set foot in when we are being paid to. (Crown anyone??) Now you might get the impression that i'm having a go at the way people spend their entertainment dollar, but that couldn't be further from the truth, 'coz that entertainment dollar is my salary and god bless you all for spending it.

While i'm on the subject, let me tell you what you've bought with that entertainment dollar of yours... (sorry, i like saying entertainment dollar. I'll stop now)
1. You've bought the right to wear pretty much whatever you want(if you're a chick) or the right to be told that your $200 designer jeans don't match the dress code(if you're a bloke)
2. You've bought the right to drink badly mixed, overpriced drinks with too much ice(if you're a bloke) or have the afore-mentioned drinks bought for you (if you're a chick)
3. You've bought the right to do whatever you want on the dancefloor......... honestly, cut loose, go nuts!!! WE LOVE IT! (guys, no karate moves please. you know who you are)
4. You've even bought the right to heckle the band if you wish. No, really, have a crack if you want, i don't care coz i'm not a singer and i don't have to think of a comeback. Just don't yell out "Play some Chisel" for gods sake or you'll just show yourself up for the bogan that you truly are. (more on them later too) And besides if you do chose to heckle, we've got a really freakin loud PA and lots of bouncers on our side........ do the math.

But there's one thing you 'aint bought

.....THE STAGE!!!

It's Ours!!, Fuck Off!!, Get Rooted!! Piss Off!! And Stay Off!!! (sorry, should have said earlier, this blog has a MA rating)

Honestly, just don't get up there and don't let your mates get up there either, unless we invite you, in which case you're most welcome and we hope you enjoy your stay. But, just 'coz we invite one punter up, for whatever the reason,(sometimes we just want a closer look, those lights can make it hard to see some of the finer details) that doesn't mean its now open season,

SO JUST STAY THE FUCK OFF!!!!

Oh, and don't forget to enjoy yourselves :)

image

.....Oh well, why not then......

OK, just read my brother in law, George's blog and decided to bash the keyboard for a while and see what shakes out....

I'm thinking that this will be an occasional thing but we'll see how we go ....